No one really comes out and just SAY it.
You hear it’s all worth it (in the end) which kind of implies that all is not smooth sailing, but it is rare to hear that it is hard. You also hear: it’s a phase, their teething, toddlers, tweens, teenagers, young adults, adults… and every step you’re travelling with your child has its own highs and lows.
Yes, it is “fulfilling” but there will also be days where you might just want to hang your head and cry. Wailing at how inadequate you feel or overwhelmed you are. Days when your teen is so mean that you think that you have done it all wrong and there is just no silver lining. Your toddler so ill that you can’t do anything but try to be a comfort while holding back your own tears. Sometimes you want to rage against the unfairness of it all, trying to juggle work, partner, family dynamics and coming short somewhere. Worry about the nights where everyone’s mental health is under strain and you wonder what you’ll find come morning.
There will be days where your kid stuck in “terrible twos” throw such a momentous tantrum that you envy them the ability to lose it so absolutely, completely without worry about who’s watching, seeing, judging, because there is the rub. Regardless of the age of your kids or what they do (or not), in the grand scheme of things this is what we as parents fear most; being judged.
Yes, everyone has an opinion of how they would have, could have should have, did; but remember this: no one is in your shoes, busy with your journey dealing with your baggage.
I once read that the odds of falling pregnant are the same as you swimming through syrup. Unless off course your 15, did it once and now have to tell your parents the news. It is pretty much like the Hunger games and “may the odds be ever in your favour” is the credo regardless of the age of your children or you for that matter.
Well, I always wanted lots of kids (6 to be precise). I think I watched too many episodes of the Waltons growing up. I was going to be the perfect mom, have these amazing wholesome children and live an average life with my perfect family. I did not dream big about taking over the world or anything hectic like that.
Growing up mental health was not a thing we thought of. We had to get over ourselves and just move on as children. There were no pity parties or even time to think how you feel; because we just got it done and in all honesty our parents did not care.
Don’t get me wrong, they loved us; but our mental well-being was just not top of mind. I can’t imagine a time where I was ever asked what I thought or felt. I can say that my stay-at-home mom; also, did not have the luxury of asking herself any of these questions. My dad ran the show, and everything was structure around him. He was the king of the castle, and we were all NPCs in his game.
I however was going to do things differently. I was going to marry a man who think different, and we are going to raise our kids different; we are going to be mindful parents and that is exactly what we think we did, but as you can tell this did not really work out as planned.
So, there I was pregnant at the age of 34. I figured I had all my proverbial shit together; and yet I was not the poster child for pregnancy at any age. I was in a bad mood, tired, hormonal, stressed all the time.
I was worried about my child, my work, keeping it together, staying sane.
I had a job I was great at but was very stressful. I was working with clients and my PR skills were failing fast. I was trying to keep my eye on the prize. Soon I would be going on maternity leave and once back I will have a better handle on things and my career can continue to new heights.
I wanted to do everything right by everyone; but were struggling to keep myself calm and focused. Doing project management helped me to think I had all things under control. I made my lists and while I was still pregnant, I set off to find a day-mother for my daughter. Once I am ready to go back to work this would have been sorted long in advance; I planned and worked through my lists and felt so chuffed with myself as I was on top of it all.
I thought I was going to be my efficient self, just with a lovely daughter added to the mix. I mean how hard can it be? People have been doing this since forever; and we are still here it can’t be that difficult.
The long and the short of it all is nothing went to plan.
Yes, I have a child that I love (a lot maybe even endlessly). Do I always like them? No. Do I keep on trying to be a better parent? Yes. Do I make mistakes? Yes.
So here we are.
I feel that regardless of the age of your offspring there are always new challenges and obviously joys that we can share with other parents. I want PlanetParent to be a space for those of us who felt and still feel like we landed on an alien planet, and are not sure what happens next. We might be eaten alive. Not for a lack of trying or planning but mainly because we know that life happens. My life is not neat, not even close, but it is real.
17-years later from where I started my journey, from where I knew that there are special parents like me and you, who despite their best efforts and planning need more support and have experiences that are difficult, experiences they should share. Each journey is unique and amazing. We as a tribe no longer come together around the campfire and share our stories and experiences as in olden days. We live our lives in a lot of ways isolated from other families.
The only thing I can safely say is that a sense of humour is the only way I survived to this point and remained relatively sane; in PlanetParent I wanted to create a space for parents by parents.
I want you to share your story on how parenting did not turn out how you planned; but it’s okay or not; but you are still here. I want you to share those support systems whether it be organisations, companies, people and service providers that kept you going and are still there for you every step of the way.
I want real storytelling and authentic experiences and promise to be as honest as I can possibly be.
So here I am with my immunocompromised, bi-polar, autistic, ADHD, LGBTQ+, part atheist and part menopausal family just doing our thing. Surviving for the last 18-years and surely being judged along the way, because regardless of everything we are anything but typical.
So, if you are brave and willing to share those days when things are at their worse and you struggle to breathe, let alone survive, but think there are others just like you that need to hear your voice and your story then buckle your seatbelts, as it is liftoff, destination unknown.
NPC (Non-Player Character)
“NPC” stands for “Non-Player Character” and is used as a metaphor to describe someone who is perceived as lacking independent thought or blindly following trends.
PS: Should you wish to share your story which worked out as planned, you are welcome to; we want to learn from you 🤪
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