I was reading a blog about a gynae which was being blamed for a miscarriage. In short, the women started bleeding around twelve weeks which intensified the next week. She saw a doctor at the emergency ward, which blamed it on a bladder infection and then the gynae who prescribed bed rest. Her bleeding got worse and the next week she had a miscarriage.
Now when I was pregnant, I continued to have spot bleeding when my period was due for the first month, and even in the second month. Now in the third month I was worried when it was back, I grabbed the “What to expect when you’re expecting” book and started looking at what they said. Still not calmed I decided to see my doctor.
He looked at us and said it was all well, and that I should just stay calm and try and take things slow. Luckily for me this all went away, and I had a normal pregnancy for the rest of it. I think we all understand that a miscarriage is a real possibility and fear when you are pregnant, and for me as a person who has never experienced this, I am sure that there is no way to try and think and feel what a bereaved parent feels. The question is however when do you ask for a second opinion? When do you move to another doctor?
I think that where your child or pregnancy is concerned you should trust your sixth sense; if you feel uncomfortable with your doctor, paediatrician, clinic sister, then you move on. You do not look back you do not go back; you keep on trying and find the right fit for you. Any number of raving reviews this gynae got on this blog, would not change the way that the mother(to be) in question feels and thinks about him. The same way as I would not return to my initial paediatrician, or clinic sister. I am not interested in how respected these people are, they were not right for me.
I find however that people tend to stick with practitioners regardless of whether they really trust these people or not; I think that we are so scared to make changes so as to have the label paranoid parent attached to us, but you know what label me whatever you like, but if I am not able to trust you I will not be able to rest assured that your professional opinion is carrying any weight. I will not be able to open up to you and share information that might assist you in your diagnoses. Where especially small children are concerned it is of utmost importance that you are able to trust your care givers inexplicable, if you can’t you need to move on.
I was concerned that my initial clinic sister did not interact with her, she told me what she was doing but this not extend to my child, yes she was 5 days old, but you can’t just ignore her as a person, and tell mum what you are going to do to baby. She made me anxious (ok all the hormones were not helping); and thus, she made Mia anxious. I was out of there is a flash and that was the last I saw of her, I found another clinic with a wonderful sister, which I am able to trust. She has empathy and understanding, she does not judge you, she only has this amazing warmth that flows from her. She is reassuring and kind. She was just right for me, she might however not be right for someone else.
This is how things are with people and thus the same way as we don’t all like or wear the same shoes it is important to shop around and find the perfect fit; this is important for your state of mind as well as your confidence as a parent. If you surround yourself with people that are best for you, you will not have to second guess, you will have a strong support system, and as that be able to grow and flourish as a parent.
2024 update – Since I wrote this article back in 2008, a lot of water has run into the sea. We had multiple hospitalisations as toddler and preschooler with terrible invasive procedures and highly trained medical practitioners doing their best is terrible situations and not always having the desired outcome. We had to do what needed to be done in sometimes difficult circumstances. I still have terrors about some of the struggles we lived through.
In the early teen years, we again put our faith into a psychiatrist and her treatment plan and ended up in ICU after a suicide attempt; after trying a treatment plan for more than a year. A lot of appointments discussing medication and what they should be doing and how they were not. Stuck in a space where I was feeling unheard and becoming more and more anxious around the persistence we were met with.
After this ordeal, I made a decision to obtain a second opinion. We found a completely new treatment team; new meds were introduced, an alternative therapist were found and 6-months later we did see a change. It felt like I could breathe for the first time in years thanks to the amazing staff at the Neurodiversity Centre and their extensive team of support service providers.
We managed to snatch our child from the depths of despair and were able to start living again as opposed to NOT dying, which became our staple for a long time before we saw the light at the end of the tunnel and it was not the train.
This again just reinforced my belief that if you feel something is not working for you, your child or your family, move on find an alternative. Our story could have so easily ended differently, and I can’t praise our medical team enough, they have given us a future which at times seemed impossible.
